last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
