Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
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Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
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Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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