dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think your dad took our porno
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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