So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
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At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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