I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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