Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
