Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm both gender and math confused
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