All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
