apparently the secret to your success is patron
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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