i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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