mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
