I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
