i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
