There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
