Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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