I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
