Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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