who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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