i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
