when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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