You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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