before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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