My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
