Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
