chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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