Kiss
Puke
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
