so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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