So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
