I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
