Betty ford says i'm here all night
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
