We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
