Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
