I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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