I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
