You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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