i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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