do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
