i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
