I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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