ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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