just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
