If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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