If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
