i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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