How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Randomize
