I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
