watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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