My hair reeks of homosexuality.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
