i just sent this text using only my big toe
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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