Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
