I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
