Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
