i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
