drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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