He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
