i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
