Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
