Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
