i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
