Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
