walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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