Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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