If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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