i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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