he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
