I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So vagazzling was a success
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
