Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
