oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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